I hesitated to join the retreat. I wanted to go home. I missed my family. I could not even sit still for ten minutes. How could I expect myself to sit for one full hour? Nevertheless, that day I found myself dragging my luggage into the tranquil vicinity of Mangala Vihara for seven days of meditation retreat.
The first two days were hard for my body was not yet adjusted to the meditation routine. Pain and itch were everywhere. Sleepiness was hard to catch. The mind was jumping wildly. Until at a point in time I opened my eyes while everyone else was calmly meditating. Hugging both legs, I asked myself what was wrong with me. But of course there was nothing wrong with me. Nature was teaching me about the truth; about dukkha—suffering.
In the retreat, we were discouraged to read and to talk. I also buried my hand phone deep inside my luggage to minimize distraction. There was no input to the information bank in my mind, so slowly it withered off. After that I felt easier to concentrate with whatever I had at that moment. During sitting meditation, I only had the breadth so I focused on it. I treasured the bliss of not knowing.
Then gradually the pain was gone. The worries had disappeared. Life was no more a burden. Just like a child, everything in this life felt so wonderful. When I could be comfortable with myself, I felt the peace within me.
Note to the reflection:
The meditation retreat was conducted during the three months university vacation period where the writer could choose to go back to her home country. However, she decided to join it instead. It was a perfect holiday for her. It is also an ideal life that everybody longs for. The good news is that it is achievable.
a hut in the rain
the wet window
sunset
a pair of eagles
this is a crow
spring time
this is taken not in Tokyo
row of metal cranes
this has no name
white collection
red collection
blue collection
Prince George's Park Residence
